I [M30] am in my first actual long term relationship (almost 8 months) ever after 9 years of being single. My partner [F29] is amazing and she treats me WAYYYYY better than anyone I’ve been with and has held me down since moving to a new state and town.

3 1/2 months into our relationship, she was seeing someone else and during that point, she learned that she had genital herpes and I more than likely caught it from her. I’m not upset about that, but lately things have been painfully sexless with us. Like no dirty texts, no nudes, MAYBE sex once every other week. In the beginning it was at least once a week.

She’s also my first partner I’ve ever been sexual with (I saved myself until 23) so it’s been a tough pill to swallow when sex isn’t frequent. At one point we went a month without and I was going stir crazy. 😭

Sometimes it’s breakouts, others she’s not horny, others it’s she’s not feeling well. I have her blessing to seek sexual partners but it is almost impossible to find that when herpes AND poly are red flags to most women on dating apps.

It’s been two weeks since the last time we’ve done anything and I’m just super frustrated and slowly caved back into porn addiction because I need an outlet and she’s not there.

So I don’t know. I need advice on maybe my approach? Tips from other poly people with herpes who had these issues and overcame them.

I do love my partner immensely and have been supportive of her, but herpes has basically fucked our sex life and mine over majorly. I don’t want to drift towards resentment or have an entitled attitude about it. Herpes feels like the ultimate death sentence in the poly world because I’m passed over immediately on dating apps.

It also frustrates me that she’s able to pull a plethora of matches on dating apps, but I’m an attractive and kind guy, but I’m dry on almost every app I use.

Help? 😬