I’ve tried writing this multiple times but I keep rambling, so sorry in advance but I’ll try to keep it short!

I (18F) think that my GF (18-NB) wants me to remain monogamous while they are polyamorous. They continually mention how jealous they are, say to their friends how chill I am if they play flirt with them (which I didn’t, I laid out boundaries and looked at screenshots of said ‘flirting’ and was like “Okay it’s just playful banter and compliments, I do the same thing with my friends”, and I met the friends already, hell the one that called my GF wife literally said “You’re my new wife now” to me LOL)-

What I’m trying to say is that it feels like I’m either the only one with the mindset to be polyamorous (meaning both me AND my gf) rather my Gf’s “I get so jealous sometimes” mindset (that I think only thinks that they’ll date(?)

This all came up when a week into our relationship (while we were still talking) I found out on ACCIDENT that my crush was polyamorous. Now the only experience I had with polyamory was my ex’s ex asking me out to join his polyamorous relationship (which he hadn’t even told the other girl about???), so I was very hesitant to say anything.

However after researching, trying to imagine it better, and asking if they themself was seeing someone (they aren’t), I said I’d think about it in the future and wanted to work on us (Cause we weren’t even official, I hadn’t come out as gay, and we were on the opposite sides of the country, which was another big reason I was like “uhhh let’s slow down”, having your first relationship be not only long distance but also polyamorous sounded terrifying but thankfully they didnt push it and we’ve been 3 months strong).

But is the constant “I’m jealous” a sign that this might not work out? All the times they’ve mentioned they are easily jealous is when I mention that I dont get jealous often (like when they asked about the friend flirting thing).

I don’t think they realize that it’s not me bragging or me being a ‘green flag’ because I still get upset if we dont communicate or the normal stuff, I just don’t get possessive about it. I don’t mind the flirting since it’s very true compliments, like my gf is HOT so why would I be surprised that I’m not the only one mentioning it? (Besides I’ve seen the screenshots, met the person, and she does those compliments too to me- it’s just her thing).

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t set boundaries with how far said friend could go or if she made them uncomfortable/was coming on to them, I wanted to know.

I feel like my GF hates that I don’t think like them. And I know that I haven’t triggered any intense jealous moments because everyone around me knows how much I cherish them. They didn’t get jealous on national Gf day when I posted all of my friends shouting out how amazing of girlfriends they are to their partners or how amazing they are as friends if single (though I made 2 dedications to my GF that day as well, but that day is the only time I think I didn’t sound like I prioritized them over my friends).

The point is…Im scared of the miscommunication that I keep getting with this “I’m jealous person” thing and the fact that they still believe they can be polyamorous with that mindset ( and judging by how they still have that get to know me with the flag still up and post me only on their art account, they still think that way.)

I’m terrified that they’ll just cheat on me and call it polyamory, or get mad if I initiate wanting to be poly because I do want to experience real life dates and I want them to have fun as well (tho after discussing our colledge wants I doubt that will happen), or they’ll get mad and brush off what they mean by jealousy AGAIN.

And I know I should talk about it to them, but I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that doesn’t make them close up. I’ve reassured them multiple times that I love them with all their colors even the little nasty green- but I feel the longer I wait the more I walk into a trap so I want to ask advice.

How do I ask my gf how I can reassure them more about how okay it is to be jealous? How do I tell them to stop comparing/belittling the differences in mindset between us? How do I bring up the polyamory talk again so I can figure out their thought process on it? How do I convince them that not communicating Jealousy will only hurt our relationship?

I don’t know what to do yall, thank you for your time and I hope your communication is even better today or tomorrow💗.

Edit: I tried uploading this to the Polyamory group one for advice, I hope it went through because my wifi is awful, but thank you for the advice so far!!