I was always a bit of a scoundrel. I've had lots of partners. I was widowed suddenly in 2018, and in 2020 a met my "chapter two", as we call it in the widow-verse. We're both widows.

We both felt it was important to reconnect with our past, and stitch together our future. She became reacquainted with the guy who was her first, many moons back. He had cancer and was working on possible cures but was likely dying. Her late husband died of cancer, and slowly lost his sexuality. She originally cheated on him and then left, many decades back. He confessed that he always wished she'd stayed, and that her cheating never bothered him. She felt like she should give him a last encounter, before he died.

She asked me how I felt about it, and I stayed neutral. I said it's really not about how I feel, how do you feel? We talked it out from her perspective and value systems. And she ultimately decided not to go through with it.

He then later, months later, confessed he was Poly. I hadn't heard the term before much.

Well.... I realized, I would have said yes. But I felt like culture demanded I say no or it would look like I didn't care about her. But frankly, I wouldn't have minded if she did.

Then she said the whole experience hit her so hard that if my first ever came around dying of cancer and all she wanted was me, that I should do it... But just don't tell her because it would hurt.

I know, confusing emotions.

All of that has had me thinking for four years now..... I've never cared. My first wife had boyfriends she left me for, and I ultimately still wanted to keep the marriage but she wouldn't have it.

My whole life I've been fine with multiple partners, even in the same bed.

I never had a term for it though, because my childhood was evangelical.

So four years now...... I've been wondering if this label is important or not... But it kind of explains how I've always felt?

I remember reading Stranger in a Strange Land... And feeling a yearning for a community of closeness with multiple partners. Not just sex, although yes sex, but spiritual, emotional, like a pod community......

Does any of this make sense to y'all who have been around a while?