I'm in a lot of therapy and have finally come to understand that I experience feelings of anger, frustration, and even flashes of rage when my nesting partner brings up they enjoy watching me flirt, kiss, fuck, be intimate in any way, etc, with other people. It's like I feel like I am being watched and like I don't have privacy? There's also experiences of fear, like visceral fear and extreme feelings of that I am going to be punished, and I feel exposed in a way that is so intense that I feel like I am just spreading my ass cheeks in public 🤣. Having a really hard time getting through this one. These feelings do not happen all the time but when I experience a trigger, they happen at 150 percent. Im still working on identifying what the triggers are in therapy as well as anger/emotional management. I am trying to dig really hard into why someone telling me they enjoy watching me flirt, be physically intimate, things along those lines, is something that makes me feel very shut down and watched.

I experience really strong feelings when I am into people, get very shy, am really easily turned on, am someone who wants to be very physical with lots of people, and it's something I am dealing with feelings of shame over?

has anyone experienced something as ridiculous as this? it's very painful. I'm thinking it is connected to repeated experiences of being watched/stalked/spied on and experiencing several really severe invasions of privacy and SA, and I also experienced some conversion therapy as a youth.

we're dealing with it but through all this ridiculousness and overwhelming feelings I'm just like God please i need to get over this and any words of encouragement would be so helpful. I'm at a really aggressively resistant part of my treatment and so frustrated with all these feelings and defenses i feel like I'm currently plateauing at getting over. it feels so bad! the visceral triggery defensiveness IS AWFUL