Me and my primary partner have been long distance and open our entire relationship (going on a year). She has found a wonderful polycule IRLand I couldn't be happier. But every time I try to go on a single date or meet anyone in real life, she shuts down and gets defensive. To be fair, there have only been three attempts in the time and one of them she was right to be skeptical. They turned out to be a creep.

But tonight was the biggest issue. She has been going on dates and telling me after if they have sex or flirt or cuddle. Which is fine. That's what our negotiation and discussion entailed. As long as we tell each other. Tonight, I had my first date with someone else in over six months. It was a double date at the other couples house. Halfway through she asked if she could call. As we had also previously discussed the importance of spending time with the person we are with, I told her we could deconstruct after. I also told her that my date was being flirtier than he had been via text and that I was going to leave the evening open to whatever happened because I have been rather touch starved.

She said "well I don't know what you are going to do at this point so have fun I guess." Which was unfair as I had been more communicative than she is on her dates and she has previously given me less than an hour notice that she was going to go on a date, and sometimes only shares days later that they had hooked up. And I wasn't even certain anything would happen. I just wanted to leave my options open and keep her informed.

I'm lost. No, my date and I didn't do anything. After her text, he and I went home, him to his wife and me to my empty apartment. She has stopped responding.

I thought we were in the same place, but evidently we are not.

Edit: thank you for your responses.

I realized I was unclear on this: me texting her was during a transitional point in the evening. My date was not in the same room as me and encouraged contacting her ar that moment. Part of it was letting her know they weren't serial killers and he went to tell his wife the same thing. However I only had time for a quick text before we would move on to drinks. She wanted to call. Which would have overstepped. Which is what I told her.

Update: She wasn't comfortable with the idea of me spending time with other people that she wasn't involved with. Obviously there is a double standard there as she has several partners at the moment that I have nothing to do with, which she acknowledged and we are calling it on our end so she can focus on her polycule. They really are very cute together. I used to get pics fairly frequently. I'm glad she gets to live out her poly dream.