OK so myself (33f) and my partner (31m) have been together for about 6 years. He was poly before that and at the start of the relationship, which I struggled with (mostly for reasons of being insecure in myself and fairly sure I was monogamous.) We got together in a committed, monogamous way, after he got back in touch with me to say he loved me and that's what he wanted to do. We now have 2 amazing small kids, and are really happy together, been through really difficult things but always supported each other, kept the love alive etc despite challenges. Recently I met a woman who I am crushing on, hard. She is a single mum of a 4 year old, the same age as our eldest boy. I am so unused to feeling anything like this for someone other than my partner, I've always felt so completely monogamous, but I can't stop thinking about her, everything I do is through a lens of her. I've been chatting with her a bit and keep thinking about my next communication with her. I'm being 100% open with my partner about my feelings, and involving him in the messaging, there's nothing secretive going on, and he feels excited by my joy- that's just what he's like, he is joyful. When I talk about my feelings towards her he is happy for me to move things forward. She and her son have visited us and we've spent some time all together (with others), it was nice. But there are so many factors. I am worried about my own feelings- am I just swirling in the 'new person' excitement? I have been feeling very isolated and actually just the idea of having a good friend is so exciting to me. Maybe that's all I should focus on? I have only been in a relationship with a woman once and it didn't go well. But it wasn't because she was a woman! So I'm not that sure I'm even bi/ I feel a bit insecure sexually regarding being with another woman. I certainly don't know for sure she would be open to any of this, but my radar has always been terrible- I am getting lovely lovely vibes from our comms, but maybe she's just a lovely lovely person and it doesn't mean a thing, you know? Last but not least- we are so happy, things are going well in our lives, our kids are having a great life and we as a family are living well together. Is it worth risking upsetting the balance? Everything I learn about her confirms this idea I have in my head that we would make an amazing big crazy happy family but I don't know if I'm just projecting, or how to tell! I don't know what I'm asking but would love especially to hear from folks with kids in polycules or poly relationships generally, about how that started for you, or how you broached it with the third person. Or when folks chose not to for whatever reason! Thank you if you read this far, just writing it has helped me rationalise a bunch. Thank you!