I find conflicting views on this. My partner has wanted to be poly for a while, so we both decided to open the relationship. I'm interested in having other experiences with other people, but it's not happening for me as immediately as it is for them, which is emotionally hard to handle. I don't think I was ready to agree to this, but here we are and they're not going to stop now I think. It's been hard for this shift to happen, and I'm scared to lose this partner if I can't "learn to deal."

I've always been monogamous, sure I've had sexual interests in group play and the idea of dating somebody else has crossed my mind, but I don't think I've ever been someone who longed to be in a polyamorous relationship.

I'm doing a lot. A ton of expensive therapy (individual and couples), journaling like crazy, listening to poly audio books, reaching out to friends, meditating a ton etc... But still, the thought of them being with someone still tears me up. I want very badly to feel happy for them, that they get to have this experience and that they have a new person in their life that they can feel excited about, but I just can't. Ever since we've opened up it's just been conflict between us and it's painful to see them excited about being with somebody else when we're struggling to connect.

Can being poly be "learned" or am I just stuck feeling this way? When I Google this question I see people talking about focusing on "unlearning" old relationship beliefs, but other people seem to say that if you're not poly then you're just not and your relationship is doomed for trying.

I'm trying to refrain from making decisions until I've fully explored my tendencies towards codependency, consistent self care and actually experiencing dating somebody else. The first two are within my control, but I struggle with not knowing if it'll be two weeks or two years before I can try my own hand at dating.

Sorry it got a little rambly and I'm sure you all get this a lot, but I'm struggling and I sincerely want to give this the most honest try I can. I could really use some advice and some supportive people to talk to. The only person I know whose poly-informed is my partner and they can't be the one to support me right now.

Thanks for reading,