I'm going to try to keep this short.... I am not into writing novels.

My wife and I discovered that we are both polyamorous years ago. We have both worked on communicating and understanding the other. We are to a point in our relationship and marriage where communication and understanding feels pretty solid. Good or bad we know we can share and talk. Took years to get to this level of communicating and understanding but I digress... I'm rambling.

A few months back, a friend and I started a relationship. Again. We had dated in the past but we both had quite a lot going on in our lives so we mutually decided to remain friends. We have been this way for years both knowing the others feelings but... again, life. My wife has a few partners and everyones health in mind, I asked we both be tested. I haven't dated in the last couple years. I was happy being me and wasn't looking for any new relationships past platonic.
She is HSV-2 positive. One of the big concerns with with both metas is STDs. HSV-2 is a hard limit for them. While this wont break my friend and I's relationship, it will put a huge strain on it and the other relationships in our poly network. Physical intimacy, a big part of how my friend and I express love, its one of our biggest love languages. but no doubt going forward there will have to be some very set limits out of respect for my wife and metas.

My friend and I understand the risk and how to prevent transmission from her to me. But since the others in our poly net are not ok with this... we have to respect that. I'm really not sure where to go from here. I normally don't like to set boundaries on relationships. Other than some that our poly net have all agreed to. I really prefer to relationship develop and grow naturally.

The ultimatum that I have been given is this: I choose to be solely physically intimate with my friend and now partner or I don't. If I choose to permanently respect the poly nets wishes, this will put a metaphorical roof on one and all of my current and future relationships. If I choose my friend and I's relationship I feel this negatively impact, cuts at, my wife and I's relationship. Physical intimacy will be taken off the table. That's a recipe for disaster. Redrawing a founded relationship and marriage to that level is devastating. If I choose my wife but not my friend, its a similar metaphorical roof and doesn't feel ethical.

At the moment, I know of no "good" answer to my situation. I could try to explain the risk and how protection and dramatically lower the risk of transmission but I highly doubt this will result in any change in my meta's minds. I do not want to be the root of jealousy between either my wife or my partner and close friend. The only thing I can conclude as the correct path is to remain physically abstinent for a while in both relationships. It feels to be the most ethical and respectful path. At least until something has changed. Been communicated and agreed upon by everyone. I welcome any advice.