My spouse and I (26 NB and 24 F) have been exploring what poly might look like for us for roughly a year? Pretty much since we've been married, actually. We've been mono for 7 years, married a little over a year ago. There's a lot of reasons we've been exploring the idea of being poly-- frequently mismatched sex drives, I would like to explore my sexuality more (I identify as demi/bisexual, but haven't had sexual experiences with other women as an adult), and just general wanting a larger social circle where it's okay to be intimate/affectionate.

We're both in a polyamory FB group, and it's been incredibly enlightening to be interacting with the group, being accepted, and just feeling seen. Last night, I realized that someone I knew in college was also in the group. I still had her number, and I excitedly asked my partner if they would be comfortable with me sending her a text. They were enthusiastic in saying yes, and wanted to see our texts and was excited with me when she texted back.

She and I had a really nice conversation, just talking about why we gravitated toward that group, she shared her current situation and what she might want from another relationship, and we were definitely vibing. I asked my partner if it would be okay to ask her about meeting up. I told them I don't intend on initiating any kind of activities, rather it would just be nice to see her in person and have a chance to catch up on life since it's been years since graduation. Again, they were enthusiastic in saying yes.

I guess the problem I'm running into in my head is, I don't know for sure where their comfort level is. We've talked about the possibility of a triad, but I think if I continue with this girl, it would be more of a metamour situation. Any advice from people who have had a metamour relationship, how did things start? What are some good ways to check in and communicate with my spouse? I don't want to get all caught up in being excited about this new adventure, and not be present for my spouse's needs.