Just to "set the mood", I am quite anxious, sometimes even paranoid, and also depressed. Full cocktail here.

Anyway, I (24F) kinda ended up in a poly relationship with a couple (28F, 24M). I still don't really know how it happened, we just kinda decided that we're all together now. I love both of them dearly, they are both loving and caring people. The thing is, they've been dating for quite some time and moved in together not too long ago. I, on the other hand, am in a long distance relationship with them (not like another city long, more like another country long).

We've met, I visited them, and the time I've spent with them was the best time I've had in a really long time. The thing is, I still feel left out. I'm not jealous, it's more like I feel that my presence in this relationship complicates it for everyone involved. Like I doubt any of us will be able to tell about it to our families.

I find myself being ready to abandon everything in my life rn just to move closer to them. It's not like I have anything important going on anyway, my life has been one giant mistake even before that. But I'm afraid that I will make everything worse. They'll have to count me in for things. Their apartment is too small for three people.

Also I should probably mention that it's my first relationship ever. They've been wonderful to me. I think I can talk to them about my issues, but I'm too afraid anyway.

I'm sorry if I make very little sense. I don't even have any question to ask, I just need to open to somebody about it.

TL;DR anxious girl struggles with feeling left out even though there's nothing to worry about