My (46M) wife(41F) and I have been discussing ENM and Polyamory for a little over a year now. Emotional, personal, and relational work aside, I still have questions about the relationship theories behind polyamory. I’ve read countless articles and books on the subject. Over and over again I hear the admonition that “Its not about the sex, it’s really all about love and connection.” The sentiment being that what is being truly craved is a deeper sense of intimate connection in interpersonal relationships. So here’s my theoretical question: Isn’t that type of non-sexual, deep, intimate connection already possible without the sexual element? With any other person in the world? The very heart of “don’t you have a varied group of family and friends that all meet different needs but you love equally?” Which, to me, then means the only separating characteristic between the stated objective of connection and the practice of said lifestyle is exactly the sexual element. And quite literally 99% of reasons for what a person is “missing” are sexually motivated. So how is it not about sex? Again, everything that is being desired, outside of sex, can genuinely be found in any relationships that don’t involve sexuality. That’s my gap. Please help it make sense.