I thought I could handle being a non-primary, to not be given the same prioritisation as a primary, but after a recent short text exchange was cut short due to the other person not continuing the conversation (this was after weeks of 0 initiation from both sides) I honestly had a bit of a break down. And I feel so embarrassed and ashamed for having feelings, for holding out any hope that this could be some kind of awesome summer fling. lol. He even said he wanted to hang out again, as long as it wasn't too often – but maybe that's the problem, unclear communication?

None of this changes that I want to continue being solo-poly / not have any primary partners by the way. I'm pretty independent and enjoy my freedom, on the flip side of that, however, I don't have many friends to hang out with and sometimes have extreme bouts of social anxiety. This triggers a) me probably reading too much into text exchanges and b) self harm.

I do have personal goals that I work on, and think I live a pretty colourful life, full of achievements I'm proud of, but when I feel this down it's really hard to want to pursue any of these things.

Omg please help me find my way back to the happy go lucky, go with the flow version of me.

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edit: spelling