Hello, I am 32F (bi) in a 10 year relationship with 36M, who is also in a 2 year relationship with 28F. I knew my meta before they started dating and was friendly with her, encouraged the start of the relationship, and we became closer and closer as their relationship got more stable, we are very KTP, very spontaneously so. I have sometimes meddled too much in an effort to help them out, but I understood it's my "project manager" nature taking over and trying to fix everything, and I've stepped back from it.

Me and meta still sometimes vent to each other a bit when we have conflict with shared partner as we know we both love him and will not see him in a worse light for it, and we can maybe help each other deal with it in a better way. I know it's not super clean relationship boundaries, but we do have (not 100% set, but we have talked about it) plans to all live together, maybe someday even have children together, so I do feel like a more integrated approach can work as long as it's respectful.

She is about to finish her studies and start working, which is what we're waiting for to see if we should all move in together or not. Me and my partner have lived together for 10 years - we moved in together very soon. He sees her every weekend and we often hang out all together with common friends, or part of the weekend we'll hang all 3 of us together in my and NP's home.

Recently she has briefly told me about how they had a confrontation about her being worried about having enough alone time with him if we all live together and how he reacted badly to her doubts. I told her it's absolutely fair to be worried about that and I'm sorry he didn't reassure her about how we should have systems in place to make sure we all have dyad quality time. When it came up with him though and I went to tell him her doubts were legit and we should absolutely make sure we all have one on one quality time, he told me she wasn't completely truthful with me and she actually asked him if he would consider living with her half the week if she got a place on her own, and he said absolutely not. I was taken aback and felt bad, but I had other issues at the moment so I did not dwell on it. Now it's a couple of weeks later and I realized it still stings. We did not spend time all together since then for unrelated reasons (more below). Should I confront her about not being honest with me for the sake of our friendship? Should I accept that it's fair for her to ask such a thing of our shared partner and not tell me and move on? Right now my gut reaction is to be less open, mind my own business and sort of walk back on my plans to share life with her. But it makes me feel very sad to be that way as she is very kind, funny, smart and I do love when the 3 of us are together at home.

Factor in the equation if you will that recently me and my partner had issues (unrelated to her) and I feel like I want to focus on us a lot more and re-center us. I have leaned on her too much at the start of these issues because I was quite desperate, but I saw that it was heavy for her and stepped back, apologising profusely. She has understandbly said she "wants a break from our vibes" which means she spent the week with our partner while I was away but wanted to leave when I got back, not willing to spend time with me at home too, something I can 100% understand because it's not fun to feel tense energy in a home, but I was still a bit hurt that she would express it that way (and that she was ok with not seeing me before Christmas break when she goes back to her family for 2 weeks).

I would really love advice from KTP people, or people in a V structure living together. I know it's messy, please parallel people don't come for me.