Hi everyone - I originally posted this on the polyamory subreddit but it was deleted and I was hoping to get some advice. See below for the original post:

"Hi peoples - I hope you're doing well. I've been stuck with my thoughts for quite some time and I decided to reach out to reddit for advice.

I've (37M, non-poly in theory) been on Hinge looking for women to date, most of whom happen to be poly, and I've been on a few dates (well, five dates but who's counting?) with this one girl (37F) who has two boyfriends, a husband, and a child. She's a sweetheart and I do enjoy being around her, however I very rarely get to spend time with her (maybe once a month) and we've only been on cute dates (i.e. nothing sexual). She keeps herself incredibly busy and although I would never ask her to drop something in order to spend more time with me, I would love to be a bigger part of her life. With that said, she did ask me to show her paperwork that I screened for STDs, so I assume that that potential is in the cards at some point.

The issue is that I'm really not 100% on board with polyamory. I bought and read through the book "Polysecure" and I browsed a lot of recommended websites and podcasts, however it still feels like a scam to me. With that said, and this is where most of my inner conflict is, I'm still a virgin and I don't want to pass up on an opportunity that someone actually wants to sleep with me (despite sleeping with three other guys at the same time). The dating scene where I live in horrendous, and unless you are in the top 5% of attractive males, you will literally get no attention at all. This is why I'm trying my best to be okay with this whole poly-thing.

So - do you think I can make this work? Is it a mental thing or is it self-esteem issue? I don't know, I just don't want to die alone."

Update (12/11) - Since I posted this, some new developments to share. She's divorced her husband (whatever that means in this context), so she currently with 2 boyfriends and is dating me. Through conversation, I learned that "polyfidelity" is another thing that I need to be aware of and that her and her partners do not practice "polyfidelity". At this point, I'm thinking this whole arrangement is just a glorified friends with benefits situation. I'm probably going to break it off at this point, since I don't see myself getting over these hurdles, but still wanted to see what the internet has to say. Thanks for your time~