Hi so I am 30 years old. I am Asexual and very newly poly. I am married to a man together 9 years married 2. Pregnant with 1st baby. We are both dating the same girl. She started as my best friend , we work together and hang out all the time. Her and my husband have a lot in common and he fell in love with her pretty quick. We had a rough start into poly life as I was very mono and didn't believe you could love more than one person. After a bit of time I was talking to a guy online and started to get feeling. I felt guilty because I realised you can love more than one person. I spent more and more time with my now girlfriend and realised I wanted more with her. We have been dating for 2 months. The advice I need is about sex. I have some sexual trauma from my past. And a lot of people have cheated on me and left me for the people they have been sleeping with. I have told both my partners about this and they have respected my wishes by not having sex straight away. Both my partners are very very sexual and me being Asexual I am not. I felt very guilty that I was holding them back from this. I recently told them I would be ok with them sleeping together and set some boundaries in place that I thought might help me.

Today my husband has come home and told me they have slept together for the first time. And I havent been able to stop crying. They have both told me many times they love me and would never leave me to just be with eachother. But I just can't get out of my head that my past is just repeating. How do I get over this and enjoy my relationships? How can I get myself to feel happy for my husband that he is happy in his other relationship?