Hi, it’s me again! I really appreciated what some of you said last time I posted something here, so I’m back with another question.

My partner has a primary partner of 6 years, and we have been dating for about two months. I’m always trying to stay out of the way and create opportunities for them to spend more time together as I see myself as more of the “backup partner”. My partner accepts this but I’m not sure he loves it. It’s also a bit compounded by my own struggles with my own self worth and it can sometimes turn into “you should spend time with them instead of with me” which isn’t good for anyone. I manage the manifestations of this in my daily life alright, but I haven’t been in a poly relationship before. Has anyone experienced this sort of feeling?

I want to clarify that my partner is the source of none of my behaviour, I take on those things entirely by myself. I have a “curfew” for myself so I don’t text them (~1 hour before their main partner gets home from work) and we only see each other at most twice a week. Part of this is that I want to make sure not to overstep and/or upset their main partner. I think sometimes partner is a little put off by it, but it does help me manage the stressors of a completely new kind of relationship.