I (21F) have been with my partner (21M) for almost a year now, and I'm looking for some advice on the best way to go about the conversation with him.

Firstly, polyamory is something I've thought about on and off for a few years now, but never came to any kind of solid consensus on the matter. I explored it a little when I was 16, with a guy I was dating. I'm bisexual and he was pansexual, and we were both young and fairly inexperienced. We had a dynamic where he was allowed to explore with other men and I could explore with other women, as long as we talked to each other about it, and we would only but sleep with each other as the opposite gender. This dynamic felt very comfortable to me, and even tho neither of us actually did anything with that permission, just the idea that we could comfortably felt nice I think for the both of us.

Since then I've only been in monogamous relationships, and I didn't think I'd be comfortable with anything other than that because I had experienced a few instances of being cheated on. Always by men would establish an exclusive and monogamous relationship with me, and then sleep with another woman behind my back and lie to me about it. So I developed some trust issues with the idea have having my partner be with other people. But in the years since, I have come to heal from those instances, and I think I've realized that I would feel more comfortable with a multi-partner relationship.

I realized this because in a few cases I have found myself with someone in an exclusive relationship, and after a few months I would start getting almost bored and feeling very trapped? I would never bring it up because I was worried that I was just telling sabatoging with my old trust issues and self preservation habits. But before it could really fester anyways, the relationship would end for some other reason. I don't have the best track record with choosing good guys, so they would end up ghosting me or getting bored themselves and breaking up with me, which would leave me feeling heart broken and upset.

I am now in a healthy relationship with a guy who I really love and care about. He is straight and monogamous, and I was completely fine with that when we got together because I was also looking for monogamy. But it's been almost a year now, and I'm realizing that I am experiencing those feelings of boredom and being trapped again, except I really love him and I don't want to end my relationship with him.

I have talked to a few friends about it, one of which is in a poly relationship, and I've also talked to my therapist about this extensively. And I've come to the conclusion that the reason I'm feeling that way may be because I am the type of person who likes to be changing things constantly, and I have a hard time sticking to the same routine all the time.

I have brought this up to him before in a conversation about spicing things up in the bedroom, because he is a lot more vanilla compared to me. But that conversation ended with him telling me that he would rather keep things the way they are because much else was outside of his comfort zone. I obviously care about him and don't want to push him into things he is not comfortable with, and at the time I didn't think it was that serious, so I told him it was okay and it wasn't something I needed. And I would prefer he stay comfortable so we could keep just doing things the way we always have.

At the time he had suggested that in the future if I changed my mind, he'd be okay with me finding someone else to meet those physical needs as long as we stayed together. I had a few issues with this. The first one being that I was worried he was only suggesting it to appease me, and not because it was something he was actually comfortable with. We both have a tendency to people please and put our own feelings aside for others, and so I don't want to do something he's not actually okay with. Secondly, sexual intimacy is very attached to emotion for me. I have never been able to have a no strings attached sexual relationship. If I'm sleeping with someone, I cannot avoid the romantic feelings that will most likely accompany it. And also, some of the things I want to explore are things that I want to do with someone I trust and am comfortable with, which again would also more likely than not lead to catching feelings for whoever was involved.

The way he framed the suggestion was that I was emotion monogamous with him, and explored none emotional sexual freedom with other people. But I don't think I'm capable of that, and i brought this up to my friends and therapist, polyamory was brought up. I was asked if catching feelings for a new person would make me lose feelings for my current partner. And my answer was no, I still love him very much and I don't think that would change, even if I started falling in love with someone else too.

After some long talks with my therapist and poly friend, I have come to the conclusion that I myself want to be in a poly relationship. However I don't think that is something monogamous boyfriend may be okay with, but I know it is something I should still bring up to him regardless.

I'm having a lot of anxiety about having this conversation with him, because I'm afraid that this isn't going to be a dynamic he's okay with, and it's going to result in ending the relationship because we aren't compatible. I don't believe it would end on bad terms, he's a really good guy and I know he would be understanding about it. But at the same time, I still want to be in a relationship with him, I just think our current dynamic isn't working for me.

So I would really appreciate maybe some tips on the best way to bring it up to him? And how can I make it clear that it's not his fault and I still want him? I'm feeling really out of my element, and I'm still figuring out and exploring a lot of aspects of my identity, but I don't want to lose someone I care about in the process.