I am constantly being the one bending over backwards but having to leave or approach or not approach my meta in a certain way or leave before she arrives. I expressed my hurt and discomfort to my partner about how it made me feel like I’m being rushed to leave when I’m not the one who has a problem with seeing her. She doesn’t want to see me. So why do I have to leave and get her to save her from feeling uncomfortable. After several times expressing how this makes me feel, I was basically told this is how it is. Then today he left to go spend time with her and I was able to mosey and leave when I was ready. Not out of respect for my feelings but because the activity was in the state she lives in so her coming over would have been ridiculous. We planned an activity today because it’s an important death anniversary for my family and I like to stay busy and enjoy the day instead of being alone and sad. My partner and I have never met anywhere except when we have spoken about it before. When I stated what time I was planning on arriving I was shot down because my mets is spending the night and it would make her uncomfortable to have to leave before I got there and my request of 8 am for an outdoor activity was too early. Yet my partner left at 8 am for their outdoor activity this morning. I feel like it’s okay for me to bend over backwards to limit her uncomfort but I’m supposed to make sure I do all I can to make her feel good even though it makes me feel like shit. I feel like she should be the one meeting somewhere if she doesn’t want to see me at the house. When I expressed this feeling, I’m shut down like I shouldn’t have the conversation when I’m triggered and hurt. It’s always okay for her to share her feelings of upset when it’s time for my partner and I to be together but not okay for me to be hurt and I should just get over it. If her preference is to not see me then why isn’t she following the same thing I have been doing and leave before I get there. So I’m pushed back from 8-9 and I’m supposed to just suck it up and be okay with her benefitting and never being made to feel uncomfortable despite how awful it makes me feel. Heaven forbid she be uncomfortable.

For reference it is her first time in a poly relationship and she, I guess wants to pretend I don’t exist. We get along fine if it is just us but when our partner is there she acts like I don’t exist and I don’t like the way he treats me because of his sheltering her.

I’m so tired of feeling like my feelings are not as important or taken into consideration.

How should I handle this constant cycle of pain?