My secondary and I see each other once a week, usually on the weekends due to the fact they balance a lot of things. There have been a few talks in the past few weeks about hanging out on weeknights because they miss me, and I was open to the possibility. However, the plans have never really come to fruition, and I don’t know if it’s because of my own lack of initiating, or theirs.

They’ve told me they want me to tell them when a weeknight is good for me, and they’ll see if they can manage it. I don’t want to be the initiator every single time, and I’ve made that known. I don’t want to push too hard for it and make them feel pressured, but I’ve gently reminded them a few times that if they want to hang out, my schedule is open, but nothing has occurred.

I noticed I felt a little bit of rejection when I found out they hung out with a first date during the week — on a day they’ve previously said was very hectic and they were unavailable due to family obligations.

I found out later they hung out with this new date on the same day, moving a weekly tradition that they said they wouldn’t budge on previously…. They haven’t done for me before. I don’t expect their world to revolve around me, but it made me question my value… though they’ve proven that I have space in their life and have taken significant steps like introducing me to their child and staying consistent on seeing each other once a week.

I tried to approach the conversation about this new date and feeling left out, but the conversation did not go well, and my partner did not seem to understand why I was upset - they took it as I was upset over them seeing someone new and that I expected a consistent weeknight hangout. They got defensive, and the conflict was tabled.

I find myself overthinking and becoming anxious. It’s an unhealthy obsession, wondering what they’re doing on weeknights and if they’re lying to me when I’ve tried to initiate, out of fear of hurting me. They’re a bit of a people pleaser, and so am I, but we’re working on it.

Sometimes I wonder if they’re just saying they can do it because they don’t want to upset me, but I’d rather them be honest than keep overcommitting to plans they can’t act on. I’ve decided to just back off on the idea of weeknight hangs happening and allow them to come to me.