A little about myself I'm 37 years old (f) married to my husband of 17 years and in a relationship with my boyfriend of almost a year. I have depression, anxiety, I am trying not to let my emotions get the best of me anymore like they used to be in the past but for a good while I was able to control my emotions at places like parties or anywhere that were out and about. I do get overwhelmed with a lot of people, I will shut down go numb. On Friday my boyfriend, his wife and my husband all went out to a club where my boyfriend's best friend was going to perform. Even before leaving my house I was already starting to get in my head but I wanted to be there for the band and for my boyfriend and enjoy the night. I get to their house and I'm slowly starting to shut down. When we get to the club I did open up to them about that I am paranoid of an event being ruined again by my emotional outbursts or my overthinking and they just said I'll be fine enjoy the day my boyfriend did try a lot to get my attention but at that point I was already shut down and numb. I did ruin another night because of this. my boyfriend is upset, even the band wanted to know if I was okay and now my relationship may be on the verge of being over because of this. I'm trying my best to control my emotions and I had for a very long time but for some reason it crept up on me and now I'm getting blamed for everything. They keep telling me I should have controlled my emotions, stop overthinking, just enjoy the night but it's hard to when I have a million tabs open and I cannot shut them down. I am going to therapy for this because I do want to get better and I have been getting better until now and now I don't know what to do anymore. I hate that I keep ruining things, I honestly feel cursed.