I've been poly for near 20 years, and my husband has been for about 5 years now. We do a hierarchical poly thing, the priority being our marriage and NP responsibilities, but we date and play separately from time to time. We're not super active daters due to kids and time limitations, so we don't entertain the idea of being able to carry on another serious relationship with another person... We're very upfront about that with any new partners. Recently, to maximize time constraints and whatnot, we've been talking of playing together...

My husband is bi, we've gone to plenty of kink and play parties together, and he's done threesomes before, so I didn't think it would be a big deal for us to play together, but I don't think he's actually on board. My husband does this thing where he just goes along with things... and I love that about him, we're both pretty go-with-the-flow people, but it does mean that sometimes he agrees to things he's really not actually thought about. That's worked out so far... kink parties, poly play parties; he had fun, no big deal, but we also didn't do any partner swaps at those parties, and I think that's the line he hasn't really considered.

He seems interested. He says things about us having a threesome. I find someone to do it with and he gets cold about it, though. I thought maybe my ideal MMF was too daunting to start with, but even with a FFM situation he just kinda clammed up about it. So I pull back, cool off, he mentions it again, but if I ask him to look for a partner or I do it... he just... pulls back.

I thought maybe he was worried that he would be left out. I've been in a bad threesome, and it's a terrible experience to just feel left out... but the people, male and female, that I've been talking to are honestly more interested in him than me. He's in a picture on my dating profile, just one, and everyone jumps at the chance to get with US, over ME. Now, I could be pissy about that, but I thought that would be good... Like, if anyone will get left out, it's me at this point, which would just make me laugh more than anything. I thought the unsolicited interest in him might make him a little into the idea, but he's just cold to it.

I don't care if this isn't something we're gonna do. I haven't dated since I got with my husband. I keep a profile and I like to be flirty, but I have a lot less time than he does due to my job, so meeting people is actually really hard for me to do. Hell, we closed the relationship for a while and that was also fine. I don't mind. I don't particularly care. I just thought it would be a fun thing for us to do, as a couple, since we've both done it before... I just don't know what to do with the pushback, you know?