I'm 33f and only ever really been in love with someone recently. I had one relationship for 5/6 years when I was 19, and then I was single for almost a decade. It was more of a young-love situation where I didn't know myself much.

I fell in love two years ago, but she had a boyfriend at the time. They had a "rolling breakup" over many months, where they broke up but still lived together and would fall back into the motions of still being together.

They rent two separate bedrooms in a 3 bed apartment, but she is the leaseholder. Six months ago he moved back in with his mom to caretake, but still continues to pay rent. Shortly after he left, we escalated to having a physical relationship. They had a talk and confirmed that they are broken up.

He recently found out about us, and now they spent the night together last night. Tomorrow the two of us are going on a road trip and will be spending time with my family. I'm having a hard time with all of the unknowns of my place in this. I knew going in that we wouldn't be exclusive, but haven't had to deal with that being the reality yet.

I know that I enjoy spending time with her. And I don't want to ever put limitations on the people who I love. I do want a primary partner and would be okay with them seeing other people on occasion, but I want someone to build a life with. I think part of the hardship of this is that it's so rare for me to develop feelings for people. And to not know if moving forward if this will be a full-time or part-time relationship. I guess I'd like it to be full-time, and other partners to be part-time. But maybe that mindset means that I'm actually just monogamous at heart?

Any advice is appreciated. I'm just having a hard time today.