Older boyfriend breaking boundariesā¦ right?
My boyfriend is 51 and I am 24 (F). Weāve been together for close to three years now. During that time weāve experimented with being āopenā, aka going to swingers clubs and welcoming other singles and couples into bed with us. Iāve really enjoyed it so far, and weāve become very close with three other couples who we party with and occasionally swap with. Again, with these people who are my friends, I absolutely love it.
A while ago I found out he was talking to someone on tumblr and they were sending him nude photos. I got so upset at this because they were a stranger to the both of us and it felt like it was close to cheating because I had no idea it was going on. He apologized for it and said that he didnāt know it was a boundary of mine, he didnāt think it would be a problem, etc. Whatever. Maybe heās being truthful because of our sexually open-ish relationship. I made my boundary clear at that moment and thought we moved on.
Fast forward to about a month ago, he finds a couple online and wants to set up a play date for all of us. At this moment I was feeling kind of insecure about myself due to some unrelated things and told him I wasnāt ready. He said ok, but he had already added the couple on Snapchat which was fine with me. But I specifically said to him, please no photos exchanged. He said of course not.
Two days ago Iām using his phone to give him gps directions while weāre driving and he gets a snap from the girl in the couple. Surprise surprise itās a topless photo. I lost my shitā¦ I feel so broken that heād do this. I asked him why. I asked him if I wasnāt clear enough when I asked no nude photos. He said no, you were clear, I was just being stupid and wasnāt filtering my messages well enough, and he felt stupid that he let those ones slide.
I feel like heās playing dumb right now. How could he not know that this would upset me? Am I missing something here? Am I expecting too much monogamous behavior from a non monogamous man?
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