So I have been with my boyfriend (m31) for almost 2 years. It started off poly and I did a lot of work and research to date him. He is great and very poly. He is also Weird about the future which is something I need.

He has another girlfriend and I feel Like I have a lot of half relationships. Sometimes I feel so lonely I want to be alone. Him or his girlfriend aren't the problem it is me. This isn't what I want for my future but I love my partner. I feel like I have to mourn the life I want to appreciate the one I have.

Part of it is I thought I was unlovable so I go along with what he wants. Also like the closer he gets to his girlfriend the further away I want to get from him. Is this normal growing pains or something else.