Hi.

My friend of 12 years (42 M) moved I to my (35 FtM) house with me and my kid 2.5 years ago, and as we were both queer and poly, it wasn't shocking when we hooked up a few months into living arrangement.

We were both surprised at how strong and mutual our love for each other was though, as neither of us moved in with the other expecting to be nesting partners.

He told me early on that he didn't believe in primary/secondary modalities of relationships... and even though.he might live with me, love with me, be partners and it might look like a primary relationship from outside, it's not how he would think nor feel about it, which I believed.

Thing is, I don't know how NOT to feel that way about him. I'm dating 2 other women, and I appreciate them, but they both have primary partners, and it's my nesting partner whom I feel deeply emotionally and romantically drawn to.

We've been talking about new living arrangements for months. He needs more space and quiet from me and my ADHD 10 year old. We live in one of most expensive cities to rent, and haven't found any place that is bigger that wouldn't be significant increase our rent. Every time I found a place that seemed suitable he said "but what if we pay more, but then I still feel crowded, but then I'm just broke." Soo... it seems like the living arrangement, and not the cost is what's holding him back.

Earlier this week he talked to a friend about potentially moving into her and her finance's place in a month or two. Her place isn't much bigger than ours, and he's still be living with 2 other people, so I'm trying to not take it personally, but I feel heartbroken, like I'm getting broken up with. He says he'd still want to date me, and would potentially be better partner if he doesn't live with me, but I can't help feeling crushed, or like I did something wrong.

I've been feeling extra tender and needing reassurance that he's not mad at me, or breaking up with me, but afraid to ask for it.

It doesn't help that he's an introvert who's depressed and been spending any time me and my kid are in common areas in his room this week.

I want to be angry with him, but he's only ever been kind and honest with me, so all my frustration seems to be built on relationship escalator primary style relationship models.

Any advice for moving through these feelings without starting drama with the man I love? I feel urge to start fight or be angry, just because I feel so hurt and insecure. I don't act on those feelings, but it's pretty shameful to experience.