Looking for some advice or just WWYD? First, my partner and I are not poly. We have a monogamous relationship (25yrs together), but open our bedroom up time to time for kink play etc. I am queer & he is cis straight.

We live a pretty relaxed life, most of our friends are on some sort of sexual spectrum- Poly, Swing, Kink, etc….So, in a sense we blend in quite well with most & just enjoy knowing people on their authentic level.

I have to say, there are a lot of Poly principles that I have adopted quite easily as I find it helpful in how I enter any connection with another human.

Around December a longtime kinky friend of ours introduced us to a Poly/Kink male in our city as she thought we would be good friends and connect on similar interests. Over the last 6 months we have hung out quite a bit, him introducing us to his “spectrum” friends and us introducing him to a few of ours. Long story short, I am starting to feel agitated by him. So, I am curious, do you find the following pretty typical of Ploy(men) or are these just red flags:

1. Often texts to connect, you offer up your availability or go out to meet up & get ghosted?

2. Invited out (me partner & them), then last minute you find he has invited others to join/meet up - which isn’t a big deal but can make a simple hangout more socially complex.

3. Connects with a person you introduced them to, starts to invite them places. Will then add you, but omit details. Like, Poly: “come meet up with us” ok….Me “what time?” Poly “Well so and so is meeting me for a drink at 8:30p, how about then?” BUT you already know poly your friend have dinner reservations…Feels weird to know he omitted dinner like we were going to crash it or he felt he wanted the alone time with our friend, but couldn’t share that?

4. Meets up with us, but then spends most of the time texting others or making more future plans rather then just being present?

5. He will send out a wide net of “let’s hang, I need some support” but you find out you were 1 of 5 women he sent that text to - and then he discards another woman because you were available (& out with hot friends) - but doesn’t do it with kindness and respect. Typically he would invite out his other female partner to join.

6. Starts organizing events that include all of the people you introduced him to….

I dunno. I do have quite a few poly friends but we haven’t hung out on a regular basis. I just question whether it’s my Nuero-Spicy/Socially ethical communication style OR he isn’t really practicing the best connective approach when it comes to initiating?

Lying by omission is a trigger for me and a human trait I find very uncomfortable. Most Polyamorous folx I know are pretty transparent and present on how they spend their time…So something feels off. I’m not hiding it very well either….

Sorry for the TLDR 😅