Hey guys,

Sorry in advance for how long this may get. I've been with my partner for four years- everything's pretty great except for boundaries around my trauma.

About 18 months back I was contacted by police as the man that sexually assaulted me had perpetrated again and I became a witness to the case. This brought up alot for me. During this time my partner was very impatient about my processing of it all and boundaries were broken.

I had a weekend to write my victim impact statement and he invited a guy over to our house even though I kept asking for us to have noone over so I could fully embrace my pain and get some closure out of writing this. He proceeded to call me a sook and had the guy over. I feel this negatively impacted my ability to get everything out and to process the trauma. I left the place this all happened to me 10 years ago and haven't returned or hung out with anyone from that town.

My partner is friends with people from there and regularly parties with them. One month ago he asked me to come to one and I said yes and have been emotionally and mentally preparing myself for this all month and felt it would be a good step forward in my healing.

Fast forward a week before said party and my partner has met his first love interest outside of our relationship. And she was also incited to the party but at first was not going to attend as she was attending another party to date another guy she likes. They then begun sexting and he asked her to come to this party.

My boundary for opening up poly is I'd like alot of space to deal with my feelings and am not ready to see him with someone else yet and my partner and I agreed to this some time ago.

He told me last night that she might be coming now and that it's up to me if I don't want to come too. She messaged him saying her van is broken. And he told me he wanted to reply asking her if she would come without her van. I said I think that's encouraging her to go to the party and it's quite obvious that's who he wants there. I asked him to give her a more neurtral response, to not encourage her to come to this party as she was originally going to another party anyway. But he said that's mean to her and he went ahead and asked her if she'd still like to come without her van and she said yes.

So now they are at the party together with my old friends that I haven't seen since I was sexually assaulted and I'm sitting at home alone.

I feel like my partner doesn't see my healing journey as a priority in our relationship and I'm not sure that this is enough for me. Especially when I'm putting myself through so much pain just to try this out.

Am I over reacting? Is this just jealousy?

Update incase anyone's interested. He is home from the party. And has casually informed me that he broke our other boundary of wearing a condom.

I need to leave don't I?