Hey all. My wife is polyam and this year we finally agreed to open our relationship. She has a bf that is great and we all have a very open consensual stance on things with boundaries to not affect our kids. Things are great there. Because I am mono I have feelings that I don't want other men touching her which is I'm sure pretty normal, BUT she reminds me it is just sex and not that big of a deal. They are safe and that isn't the main purpose of their relationship. She loves the emotional connection they have and that leads to sex which is what it is. I am fine they do that and am happy that they are happy.

What I am finding lately is anytime I am physical with my wife now all I think of is him and what he may or may not have done (I don't ask for or want details of what they do). This leads to some dysfunction and though she says she is satisfied I am left feeling not satisfied. Feeling inadequate in bed, though what I do hear is she only gets off while with me which I suppose is a plus.

I am over them being physical. They have their time and I have the primary time. Why can't I get him out of my head if everything is agreed upon and happy? Is this normal and something that will go away with time? We are about 3 months into this new chapter and lots of learning curves along the way. We have read Polyamory book by a councillor, that helped a ton get over other feelings and understand her.

Thoughts? Advice? Suck it up? Thanks