It burns like late night cigarettes, like impure drugs snorted, like day old hate.

It hurts like a lover’s tail lights leaving, like abandonment - one too many times over, like self destruction masked as self sacrifice to whatever (or whoever) I’ve taken an oath to protect.

It sickens like alcohol poisoning on a lover’s floor in a pool of vomit after a suicide attempt, like bad pills bought in haste to get rid of the memories that keep me capture, like the memory of forcing myself to leave when all I wanted was to stay.

It comes in ruins like the clothes I wore that night when he took what he believed was his, like becoming a notch on their bedpost after all of these months, like watching your love slowly evaporate into a hatred that can only burn all that it comes into contact with.

It devastates like getting a call from a coroner the night after it happened, like searching for hours and screaming his name because you know they’re still out there, like feeling your own body revolt and give up as you fall to your knees on the dirty alleyway and wish for God to take you instead.

It kills unlike all of these attempts at my own life, unlike the people who have used all of me until I was drained and left me there - broken, but breathing; unlike the heartbreak that refreshes its own hurt like an ever-lasting spring.

It haunts like these nightmares that have resurfaced and won’t let me rest, like your ghost or our box of memories in the closet, like the ring that still sits on my dresser daring me to do something.

And it burns - like every bridge I have decided to toss gasoline on and set ablaze, like the scorched earth policy I’ve held for so long, like his hands around my neck and my lungs when my breath was taken.

I do not believe that I am strong nor lucky; that this life and these people will continue to take pieces of me, rearrange me, and then leave me gasping when there’s nothing left.

And it makes me wonder - Will it burn - will it hurt - will it sicken - will it come with ruin - will it devastate - will it kill - will it haunt: Those that contributed to it?