I'm/we're new to the idea of plurality. We like it. Our goal is to make a consortium, to create unity, while remaining individuals. We believe that we all have stuff to contribute.

We were diagnosed with CPTSD a bit over two years ago. Our host is old, 71. but the first trauma happened when we were 3. We think we have the following parts. Some are emo parts some are cognitive parts.

I don't have good communication with my parts. I know they hear me, but so far I only get the occasional image, the occasional emo-flash, but no words.

Anyway, let me introduce you:

Little Ones: Bunches of 6-8 inch tall flame figures. Maybe 70-100 Carefree. Smart enough to know colours and shapes. I think these are the memorty bundles from the CSA when I was 3.

Protector of the Realm. An Ent, from Lord of the rings. Protects the little ones. They rest in the branches when they aren't playing. I visit them, but since they are happy, I try not to disturb them. I suspect that each one is a memory bundle of an abuse incident, but very unsure.

BlueStripe. 28-32 months. Dressed in dark blue shosrts, yellow shirt with thin blue horizontal stripes, faint green lines where blue meets yellow from the dye running. He looks lost, confused. Dark house, twilight outdoors. Argument coming from antoher room. In my vivid dream, I go down on one knee and ask him if he wants to come with me, and he runs into my arms.

Bluestripes Formation moment: Being left in spring after my 2nd birthday at hospital for eye surgery. Was in a town about an hour from home. Whole thing was about 3-4 day stay. Two more kids at home, so not a lot of visiting. I do remember standing in a crib, watching her go down the hall.

Socks. My first description in my journal palces him at 5. I now see him as younger. He's also lost, uncertain, and totally non-verbal. He rarely meets my eyes, stares at the ground in front of him. Most of the time he's on the grass by the garage, dressed in shorts, shirt, and socks.

Formation moment: I was CSA at age 34 months. From other vivid dreams/flashbacks, it happened multiple times, and so was almost certainly a family member. Excessive modesty. I wouldn't appear outside my bedroom or bathroom not being fully clothed, including socks. Never went to the pool. Never pealed down to play in the sprinkler.

Scrapper. I think a protector. About age 7 or 8. Primary concern is protecting my relationship with my big sister, who was my primary caregiver until just before turning 7. When I was 7, she was 19, and parents made her leave because she was pregnant. But my brother and I weren't told ANY reason. She was just ... gone. Scrapper showed up right afater I had my 15 minute intake interview with my current T. My T shares a way of speaking with my sister. We actually talked. I asked him to give the new therapist a chance. He agreed, and a couple of phone calls and emails with my sister, and he now likes my T.

Little Ghost. He's about 8. Silent. Likes to be held.

Formation moment: He appeared in the same lucid dream that Blue showed up, but would follow and stay about 50 feet away. I don't remember how I got him to come to group meditations. I think I asked Scrapper to seek him out.

In another vivid dream, my mom is about to push him HARD into a door, head snapping forward, then shoulder blades striking the door, then his head hitting the door, then sliding to the floor breath knocked out. (I ahve my sister's description of mom hitting her and screaming, "I will hit you and hit you and hit you all day" I don't remember the actual incident, but in the dream I know: It's happened before. I have to be silent, becasue if I make a sound she will drag me up and do it again. So at least twice before. From the resigned way I feel, I think it's happened multiple times before.

Critter. Age 10? 12? Thin scrawny kid, dressed in rags and dirt. Curiously critter is barefoot, contrary to my pattern until I left home. Also shirtless. He lives in a burrow, on a savannah, a hundred yards or so from a waterhole. In my head, I visit him. Show him how to make a fire. Make bannock, and leave them by the fire. He doesn't talk to me but listens very carefully when I talk to him. I have never gotten closer than about 10 feet.

Formation moment: When I was 11, and my dad had cancer surgery. I think he is the start of my going feral, and seeking extreme independence. I was a voracious reader (escape) and even then I had a strong interest in exploration, outdoor stuff, self reliance. I was reading from the adult section of the library. Lots of Alastair McLean, J. G. Ballard, Hamilton -- apocolyptic fiction. This was also the cold war era. Cuban missle crisis started shortly after my 10th birthday, and saturated the news. At that time, we got Time, Life, Saturday Review, Saturday Evening Post, Nation Geographic. Later we would get popular science and popular mechanics which had articles on surviving a nuclear war.