I have questioned whether I'm plural for a while now but I'm seriously starting to wonder if this could be what's been going on with me. I've felt for a long time that I'm just "off" from other people, and there are signs to me that could indicate me being plural... I've noticed that I consistently have identity issues where I don't know who I am, I don't have a stable sense of self that I can look to and feel like it's just me. I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago, and this symptom is one reason for that, but I don't think I have BPD anymore. But I still feel like there's a vastness to me that makes it hard to define myself. For this reason, I've chosen to identify as a genderfluid person because my gender seems to be changing often. I also go by multiple different names to different groups of people, and not like a username, these are names I've truly picked out for myself but couldnt decide on a single one. So I use each with different people. I plan on changing my legal name eventually. There's also smaller things like distinct changes in my handwriting sometimes where the styles are obviously very different between each other (TBH I don't know whether everyone else is like this too?)

There's bigger things like amnesia, theres been times in my life where I straight up feel like I've been teleported somewhere & don't know what the fucks going on. I remember years ago when I was a kid, I had went into a bathroom, then suddenly was outside of it and the entire perspective of the outside wasnt at all what everything looked like when I had walked into it. I also recently had amnesia where I seriously wondered if I had dementia or DID or some shit. Because I had put down a bottle of water in my room, then was suddenly outside of my room in the kitchen doing something that I vaguely really remember wanting to start. And I was so confused like where the fuck did my water bottle go, I need to fill it ??? I looked all over the kitchen feeling like I was in a brain fog / daze, then went back to my room to see that it was there & was already full. I had totally forgotten I had even filled it. That was just fucked & confusing, and I seriously wondered if I had DID at that point because the amnesia was so bad.

Edit: I also wanted to add that my amnesia also does extend to childhood, I don't know if it's PTSD having a lingering damage on my memory (even though its cured) or what -- But I can't remember most of my childhood for the life of me. My sister will tell me things that have happened in our childhood & even if they're not traumatic I just can't remember.

I feel like I probably don't have DID though. I do have trauma and I've dissociated really badly in the past. But as someone who has a girlfriend with DID, I just don't relate that much to her symptoms. Her experience seems so severe compared to mine. I'm not distressed for the most part by these weird things going on, I'm moreso just confused on who I am. I think if I were to have had DID, my recent endeavors in psychedelics drugs maybe have killed a lot of symptoms..?

Edit: I took MDMA & mushrooms this is what I mean by my "endeavors in psychedelics", taking these 2 substances recently ended up changing my life & also my personality.

I'm a drastically different person, I don't dissociate almost at all, my PTSD is cured & I mostly feel whole. I also feel generally confident in myself now than I did before. But sometimes I wonder if theres more to me because of what I've been through & how I feel, think & behave at times... I wouldn't be surprised if there's different parts of me. Does any plural system relate to my confusion at all? How would I know that there are any others inside me or go about trying to explore that?