Hello everyone!

Tl:Dr at the bottom. And I'm on mobile.

I do not identify as a system, so I believe I am a "singlet" (I think that's the right term). I am thankful to have found this subreddit because I have a situation that I'm struggling to navigate through. I'm hoping I can get some help with my current dillemma, but also increase my personal awareness of systems so I can be a better ally/support person.

I have a friend (let's call her Becca) who is a system, but I just found out about it a few months ago. We've known each other for a couple years, so this was big news to me. I'm not completely unfamiliar with people who are plural because a friend of mine years ago had DID. So when Becca "came out" about being a system, I immediately started researching it.

I feel as Becca's friend, I'm doing a good job of supporting her and treating her different headmates/parts as individuals. It's been a little difficult for me. I have been left with some deep questions about whether or not I knew her plural parts over the years we've known each other, or if they are newer manifestations within her. I believe there are a handful that have been with her for many years (trauma born I believe), but she also seems to have some that appear to be replications of characters she sees in shows. Regardless of my personal struggles or lack of knowledge on systems, I've continued to try and be a kind and understanding friend to her.

Throughout a good portion of our friendship, I was in a relationship. That ended a while back and Becca knows that I am single. After I mentioned having a fwb thing going on, she expressed a desire to pursue a relationship with me. There are headmates in her system that have also approached me and expressed that they would like to pursue something with me. I have made it known that I'm not in a place where I can seriously commit to anyone, because I'm still working through some of my fears of being hurt again, but Becca and her system said that they were okay with that.

So, against my therapist's advice, I started a slow burning courtship with Becca and some of her headmates. It's been a little difficult for me to manage my emotions being in multiple relationships because I worry about Becca or her headmates being jealous of each other, but I'm doing okay with it given all things considered. I view courting/dating a system as a polyamorous relationship, which works for Becca because she considers herself to be polyamorous (she has multiple partners, as do her headmates). I am familiar and comfortable with polyamory because I was in that lifestyle a long time ago.

For context, Becca is in a relationship/fwb situation with 5-7 people who are systems (so many of the headmate/headmate relationships are from that), then there's me, and 1-2 other "singlets" I believe she might want to pursue or is fwb with. Each headmate that I've interacted with has 1-5 relationships.

Now that I've given context, this is where I step in and ask for help/advice.

1) Because many of the people Becca and her headmates are in relationships with are also systems, she will get mad at me because I refer to her/her headmates getting into new relationships. She keeps insisting that they're not "new relationships" because the headmates that she/her headmates are pursuing are in the same body as someone she's already in a relationship with. I'd like to know if folks consider this establishing new relationships or remaining in existing ones.

2) How do y'all navigate through dating if you're involved with multiple systems? Do you try to limit how many relationships/dynamics there are to avoid becoming overwhelmed/oversaturated?

3) Is it unfair of me to want to have something special that's just between me and Becca and/or the headmates I'm with? I feel, due to the overwhelming amount of relationships, that many of them are "duplicative" in nature (for example, her more femme personalities dating stronger butch personalities).

I may have more things come up, but I figured I should try to get this out there. Thanks for reading. <3

Tl:Dr - What are your thoughts on systems dating other systems? Is there a point where the "polycule" becomes too big? Is it unfair of me to want something "special" that's just "mine" with someone who's plural?