hi! long post ahead lol

so i’m generally an unbothered and uncaring person. not in a bad way. just that i don’t like handling things beyond my immediate needs. so this means that i don’t really cry or concern myself that much about stuff like friendships. i don’t see friends as a need, but rather as a want (i had an old fucked up mindset that people are tools). so i just befriend people if i need to and then discard them when the need is no longer there. tho keep in mind that i have a rlly complicated past that led to this other factors. the main problem is just that i used to undervalue friendships. but i’ve been trying to change that recently as the guy i’m currently dating has been a good role model to me when it comes to building good friendships.

recently, i’ve been trying to relate to people more and avoid closing myself off to people. so this means that i’m /actually/ trying to be vulnerable. as in trying to really push myself out of my comfort zone. before, i just nitpicked harmless information that could pass off as something vulnerable just so that i could gain people’s trust.

and lately, i’ve been feeling insecure about my disposition with my friends. don’t get me wrong, despite my unbothered attitude i have a handful of genuine friends who i know will always have my back no matter what. but since i’m trying to go beyond my current friends and meet new people, i’ve been very insecure with how i relate to them. so much so that i feel lonely. with my longstanding friends, we’re very low maintenance so we don’t talk everyday but they will always always be there when it matters. but with the friends of the guy i’m dating, they talk everyday and they give updates with each other like simple stories about how their day went—something that is different from the dynamics of me and my friends.

i’ve been close with some of my guy’s friends as well but i don’t really talk to them everyday as well. it was still low maintenance. the dynamic that i’ve built is the same with my old friends. so i’m not really sure about what i’m doing wrong.

pls send me suggestions on how you make friends! or any advice/insight based on what i posted. thank you!

ps. im taken so pls dont take this as an opportunity to do/suggest something inappropriate (people tried to do that before). be respectful!