It’s like anywhere I go, I can’t help but feel the molds of isolation creep on my psyche slyly like the plague.

I would be near someone and have our fingers touch but I never really felt like I can bare the entirety of my soul because I’m quite scared of being vulnerable. Of being too trusting. I can’t ever find it in myself to rely on anyone even when they said I could because I am scared of being perceived as needy.

I had this epiphany lately that whenever I feel the surge of anger or any negative emotion, I would go back to this place. As if I have some sort of addiction. Addiction to meeting strangers, hearing their story, basking in the temporary and transient feeling of knowing that it ain’t going to last — still riding the ride anyway. Deep down I wished that someone would remain, would assure me tenaciously that they’ll be there even at my darkest.

But it is a fantasy I merely vanquish lest I get disappointed. My heartstrings are not the ordinary kind, they wrap around someone with visceral force so I cut the cord before I receive complaints of asphyxiation.

Today has been tiring, and not even in the mundane exhaustive sort. It is the kind of tire that settles deep in the nook and crannies of my soul and I feel it in my spine and I don’t even want to get out bed anymore.

So to you who has patiently read my post, it would be nice to share silence with you. Whatever you are doing, I would like to be whisked away with you. I’d rather fixate my consciousness to what’s going on with you, the external subject of my perception rather than the labyrinth of chaos that’s going on with my mind. If you want to party, let me be your companion. I’ll make sure to watch over your drinks and make sure you’re alright. If you want to go for a road trip, let me be the one who keeps you focused on the road with minimal chatter. If you want someone to go on a date with, I could play along as the romantic maiden love interest.

Whatever it is that you want, I just want to be needed. Take me away from here, I don’t want to hear people scream anymore.

A little catch, I’m a bit of a workaholic so it would be nice if you’d let me work on your place if you want me as a companion.