I miss my innocence. I miss the version of me who first delved into dating, still wide-eyed and untouched by the cynicism that life later taught me. Back then, I was overflowing with unguarded affection, pouring out everything I had, giving it my all. I’d get those butterflies, that childlike excitement over something new and full of promise. But, inevitably, I always seemed to fall for the wrong ones, drawn in by their intensity yet blind to the red flags. Part of that, I realize now, was on me—I lacked the self-love and self-respect to walk away when I needed to. I was willing to endure too much, thinking it was just part of “love.”

Years have passed, therapy has peeled back those layers, and medication has helped me find a sense of peace. Now, I finally feel ready to give love another chance. When I started out, all I had was courage. Now, courage is paired with self-love and self-respect. I’ve even worked on myself physically, committed to becoming a version of me that I can be proud of, not just for myself but for any potential partner. But now that I hold myself to a higher standard, dating has taken on a new kind of complexity. It’s not as easy when you’re navigating in a sea of people who often seem spoiled by choice, treating you as one of many rather than seeing you as the only one. So, maybe I’ll be holding out a bit longer.

Yet the yearning remains, very much alive. I yearn to hold someone close, to make them feel safe and at home in my arms, just as much as I long to feel that same comfort. I dream of cooking them their favorite meals, of doing the little things that say “I care” in ways words sometimes can’t capture. I want to share my days with someone, to tell them everything that made me laugh, cry, or think twice, and to hear about their day in return—the ordinary and the extraordinary. I long for a partner who dreams big, who’s as ambitious as I am, someone with whom I can build something truly meaningful. Together, I imagine us conquering our world, side by side. But most of all, I yearn for someone who lets me love them without reservation because I know they’d love me the same way.

For now, though, I can only wait and hope—holding this longing, nurturing it like a quiet flame, until one day, maybe, it finds its match. Would that day perhaps be today?