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I really don't know what to do right now. Been fighting for this relationship for more than a year, pero parang ako lang yung nakikipaglaban. Parang wala naman effort coming from the other party. Tho I know I made mistakes, but, pinagsisihan ko na yung part na yon. And I've been proving myself since then pero yung mga conflicts kasi is not about that na.
Sobrang red flag na pero sobrang mahal ko yung tao na I don't know how to pick up myself and start over.
Ano ba yung mga red flags na 'yon? Baka naman maarte lang ako. Well, first is lagi sya nakikipag compete sa family ko. Pag aalis kami ng family ko at hindi sya makakasama, she always say na "e diba deserve naman nila yan" "wow e di ang saya na naman nila" "mahal naman dyan so for sure matutuwa sila dyan" in a way na alam mong she's mocking you. Basta, lagi nya ako fnfeel guilty if I spend time and spend money for my family for recreational/leisure activities.
Second, lagi na lang siya nakikipag compete sa work ko. I am working from home and madalas lang yung mga catch up via team dinner pero nagagalit siya pag sasama ako. So ang ending, hindi na lang ako sumasama. Pero this time, sumama ako kasi it's required na talaga and I've missed a lot of events na din. Tsaka on a regular day, pag nag wowork ako, she'll always guilt trip me na "puro ka na lang work" kahit na I'm working during work hours naman.
It's hard. Parang simpleng understanding and respect lang naman kailangan ko from her pero ayaw niya.
It's fucking hard.
Anyway, I'm 31, lesbian (masc) and weird.
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- 8 months ago
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