Reminiscing over my past relationship, andami ko ring narealize na red flags about myself which I eventually regret during this healing phase. Andami kong natutunan but here are a few of my own red flags I am currently working on myself:

One of those was that I gave myself too much too early to someone I barely know. I was too emotionally, romantically, and sexually available in the early phases of our relationship and that probably made him easily let me off when I was no longer convenient sa kanya.

I remember not being so affectionate. I was always a discreet person in public but there were moments when I'd hold him, caress his hair, and be overly warm and cuddly. Due to his personal requests, I became behaved in public- which I shouldn't have been. I should have expressed my love to him more physically in public (of course with discretions).

I should have been fully healed before I accepted him. One mistake I did was letting another person in my life even though I wasn't healed yet and it amplified the trauma of him leaving. I realized that at the end of the day, I always only have myself, and how can I love me if I can't even provide myself the healing he deserves?

I should've taken more photos and videos of us together. Although he cheated and I'm about to delete all our pictures later, minsan I regret not capturing most of our special moments together. That time kasi I was so insecure about my android phone that I took just a few photos during our dates- which I should have. Although those things don't matter now, those moments somehow still made me happy.

Ngayon, while typing this in my work office, naalala ko the night we parted ways. I was only planning to talk to him but since we haven't seen each other for many weeks din before that fated parting, we made out- which made the parting even more unromantic and a little bit off. Know na that making out was unplanned and I felt so bad afterwards. I understood that it was supposed to be us, just talking so nakakahiya.

Right now, thinking about those, I wished I did it differently. Sana di nalang ako nakipagkita. Sana I just attended our class meeting that night- but idk. I think I needed that; that talk- that moment we parted ways. That was the last time I talked to him. Sometimes I wish I did things a little differently but I know that what happened was suppose to happen, so I'm a little reassured that whatever is for me, will never leave, and will bring only peace- and stay.