Okay, I just need to get this off my chest kasi ang weird ng feelings ko about this. So, may crush ako—like, super crush—on this doctor. We used to chat before kasi he was looking for a boarding house near our area. He was applying for residency sa hospital where I work. Yung usapan namin noon, very wholesome and healthy, with subtle flirting pa-minsan. Nothing crazy, but enough to make me kilig.

But then, I found out he got into a relationship, so I had to cut things off. No big drama, I just stopped replying. Pero grabe, crush ko pa rin talaga siya.

Fast forward three years later. Nag-uusap kami ng friend ko about random, naughty stuff, and then—boom—out of nowhere, sinabi niya na may one-night stand siya with Doc. I was like, “Hahaha what the heck?!” Pero deep inside, parang gusto kong sabihin, “Paano? Naunahan pa ako??”

Here’s the thing… my friend’s not exactly gwapo. Like, okay na sana, pero hindi siya conventionally attractive. Alam mo yun? May pera lang siguro kaya maayos tingnan. And now I’m sitting here, thinking, “Kung siya nga, bakit hindi ako? Gwapo naman ako, diba?” (Feel free to stalk my posts for proof, haha.)

Tapos, eto pa—nagka-chat ulit kami ni Doc recently. He remembered everything we talked about from years ago. As in everything. I was so tempted to level up my flirting this time around, but nah… Hindi ko kaya. Parang ang daming layers ng complicated feelings, and I just don’t wanna go there.

Pero, grabe. I’m stuck with this weird mix of kilig, frustration, and curiosity. Like, what’s wrong with me? Should I even care? Haaay, ewan. Ang funny and frustrating ng situation na ’to, but at least I get to share it here.