I saw my ex again for the first time this year with the guy he cheated on me with. They were at a jeep and feels like kagagaling lang sa house niya going to the apartment of the other person. He looks content and fine. It has been over a year since, but seeing him I felt relief but at the same time, I felt envy? I felt like I went back into a spiral since he looked like he genuinely likes this guy he cheated on me with and chose over me. I felt like I've been healing for nothing kasi all my progress went down the drain when I saw him. Unfair noh, how people could get away with doing you wrong and living their lives as if nothing happened, while you're here, a year after still trying to figure it all out. I'm still in shock and can't sleep. I figured baka nga I still have this obsession over the ex kasi I felt a slight pain seeing him all close with this other person. It has gotten bad when I thought I was getting better already.

I felt like I lost? I felt defeated? Parang talo ako ganun. Ganun yung feeling. I've been celibate for over a year now kasi di pa kaya mag open up again. Seeing him with this person still a year after, it's a different kind of pain I wish no one would ever experience in their lives.