This is the story of how I woke up from what seemed like a vicious cycle of hookups. To provide a bit of context, my boyfriend and I are in an open relationship, but to my knowledge we both rarely hookup with other people. My last hookup was pre-pandemic around the time we opened our relationship.

My slut era 3.0 started 2 weeks ago. My boyfriend was away for 3 weeks going to Australia for a work trip. I ended up downloading Grindr (as we all do) and Grindr has always been hell but it’s undeniably still the best place for a quick hookup. It was hard to pull at first, I mean, I gained a pandemic belly since I last used Grindr. I found my footing and market very quickly though. I was basically having 1-2 hookups everyday. It felt good and exhilarating. I missed it. I missed doing random faceless people. I missed being a faceless body that people could use for their pleasure. I was basically addicted to Grindr. I was opening the damn app continuously… while working, hanging out with friends. It became my new TikTok. It’s hard to explain but I couldn’t put it down.

I needed 2 wake up calls to finally delete it. First, I was out with friends and I found a hookup and left my friends for over an hour. They were irritated but they let it go. In hindsight, what I did was out of character and I hated how unbothered I was that they were annoyed at me.

Secondly, this is pretty shallow but probably what I needed to finally wake up. Last night I had a hookup and when I went to his place. He was okay but his personality was kind of off putting. He was pushy and aggressive. I was in a trance though, I just needed an ass to fuck and a dick to jack off. Then, he pulled down his pants, his dick was ashy and so was his ass. I stopped for a moment and asked myself what the fuck I was doing. Why was I so desperate for a dick that was ashy, for an ass that needed lotion. I apologized and quickly left his place. I sat in the car for a few minutes, looked at my Grindr and opened our chat. Lo and behold he had sent pictures of his ashy dick and ass before. I was so out of it that I didn’t even notice it or worse that I was so horny that I let it slide. It was in that moment, in my car, looking at a picture of an ashy dick, that I realized I had a problem and deleted Grindr.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I have no lessons to share except for this… Please, after showering when you apply lotion, don’t forget to also put some on your dick and ass (p.s it's better if you use a gentle lotion like Aveeno, Cetaphil, or Cerave)

EDIT: Adding the meaning of ashy lol. Ashy means medyo dry and flaky yung skin so visible yung dead skins (aka Ash)