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It's hard to be a gay guy in the Metro.
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Being different is challenging enough, but it becomes even more difficult when the community you identify with seems to exclude you.

I came out during my senior year of high school, and since then, I've been navigating my sexuality. Now, as a graduate student, I feel more confident in who I am. I am your typical Mandaluyong guy: I enjoy going out for drinks, love dining out, and am driven in my career while also making time to celebrate life.

The gay community in Manila is sizable yet feels small because everyone seems to know each other, and our social circles are intricately linked. While this interconnectedness can be beneficial for networking, it can also be a double-edged sword—offering both opportunities for glory and potential pitfalls.

Being a gay man in Metro Manila comes with its own set of challenges. The standards of what is considered "attractive" often feel as generic as the catchphrases from RuPaul's Drag Race. You’re expected to be fair-skinned or moreno, tall, have a particular look—perhaps with little body fat and a gym-toned physique. Your Tinder profile should ideally feature a picture from Taiwan or Japan alongside a thirst trap to project an image of being adventurous yet laid-back. While this mold doesn't represent everyone's reality, it has become the unwritten standard for likability within our community. This narrow definition excludes many individuals who genuinely seek friendships and connections but don’t fit this specific mold.

You might be thinking, "Here’s another ‘ugly gay guy’ ranting about not fitting the standards." To be honest, I wish that were the case. I don't consider myself ugly at all; in fact, I’m confident in my appearance. The real issue lies in how we often create a fog that obscures the core values of our community—equity and inclusivity. Over the past few months, I've noticed an alarming trend: our community is increasingly excluding those who don’t conform to these superficial standards.

On that note, I genuinely hope we can do better as a community.

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3 months ago