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TLDR: A guy I was dating dumped me because of my body count. I'm now disgusted with myself. What should I do?
Forgive my writing and this wall of texts.
About three months ago, I (27M) met a guy (25M) on Grindr (it's important to mention where I met him lol) and we were dating for almost two months. In two months time, we went out a few times. Dinner dates, coffee dates, and syempre kasama na din yung sex lol. I thought I should mention na there was no clear label between us pero mahal-mahalan ang atake namin lol. I really like him kasi even though he's younger than me, he's clearly level-headed (or so I thought) at na-fall na din ako eventually. Anyway, here's when it all went south...
- During one of our coffee dates, may nag approach sa akin na guy na naka ONS ko around June 2023 and eventually naging IG moots. Of course, he asked kung sino yun and I didn't lie (plus I'm bad at lying) kasi I really wanted to be completely honest with him. I explained na it was one-time thing and 'di naman naulit. I even showed my IG kasi react-react sa stories lang naman interactions namin. He was okay with it naman.
- May pinuntahan syang party with his friends and nagpasundo sya after kasi gusto nya magkita pa kami. So ayun, sinundo ko sya tapos nameet ko yung friends nya. 5-minute chitchat with his friends tapos umalis na din kaming dalawa. Guess what?! Naka-sidefun ko once yung isa nyang friend back in 2019. While driving, ewan ko ba kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at sinabi kong narecognize yung isa nyang friend. I guess nag overthink ako na baka maunang magsabi yung friend nya so I thought it's best na sakin nya marinig.
Eh 'di ayun na nga, nastress sya ng malala. Di sya makapaniwala. Madaming tanong hanggang napunta sa body count. Tinanong ko sya kung importante ba talagang malaman nya yun. Sinagot nya ng pagkadiin-diin na "Oo!". So naforce ako sabihin sakanya. I honestly lost count at this point but at least more than 50 men (to be fair, I started exploring nung 19 ako. Mostly side fun lang pero of course, may proper sex din). Yun yung sinabi ko sa kanya. Mas lalo syang nastress. Di daw nya inexpect yun. Nasabi pa nya na ilan pa kayang naka ONS ko ang makikita namin pag magkasama kami.
After that night, ramdam ko na unti-unt na off yung vibes. I knew something has changed. Nanlamig, kumbaga. I asked him na mag meet kami para makapag usap pero dami na dahilan. Nainis na ako kaya cinonfront ko na through chat and he said some really hurtful things. Not gonna go into details but basically, 'di daw nya nakikita ang sarili nya na mag cocommit sa taong may high body count. I bawled my eyes out that night. Pero dahl wala naman na ako magagawa pa, hinayaan ko na. He ended things with me that night.
Now, it's been over a month and I still feel so down and wala akong kagana-gana sa mga sexual stuff kasi naiisip ko yung sinabi nya at nandidiri ako sa sarili ko. Minsan naiiyak ako bago matulog. Hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko. Parang gusto ko na mag pa-therapy dahil dito. HELP!
To mods: Sorry, not sure kung anong flair gagamitin ko.
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- 9 months ago
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