I know, I know, most will say I am a whiner, but I think its a serious topic. I am not filipino, but are quite integrated into filipino society over the last 20 years. I always felt like an outsider, struggled with depression and worse. I have never been one of those "gay guys" who enjoy hanging with females; its just not my thing, I feel i vibe more with male.

Personally I think thats fair enough, to have male friends, and I tried over, over and over again online and in person to try to find friends, but its next to impossible to find viable people that dont start flirting after a week or two. Sometimes I hate being white in Manila, as you are treated like an object with no respect at all.

In 20 years I think I had two friends, and when the friendship with one of them ended I almost ended my life of loneliness as I feel its a full time job to talk to new people (especially as an introvert), and then finding two weeks or maybe a month later they make a move, when I made it very, very clear I am just looking for friends, not friends with benefits.

I really want gay friends, friends that understand what it is to go through life with the feeling of being different. Being gay is some of the only thing we have in common across cultures and races, and its a good platform to start a friendship.

I hope one day, its possible to say hello to a fellow gay guy and sex not being a expectation in the long run. I can love someone like a friend, and when I have a good friend I care a lot about them, and support them through everything. I put so much effort into friends and feel like I just get used in return, like the last friend who I invested 10 years in, and he dropped me like yesterdays trash, with no explanation, or the decency to say good bye. That created such a mental trauma that I am afraid putting that kind of effort into someone.