Aaaand it is I am extremely lonely, like extremely lonely. I lost my best friend som months ago finding out he had used me for ten years and I loved him like a brother. It still hurts, i still stings, I still can’t get it out of my brain. But I am lonely. Im introverted and I don’t mind being alone, but I am always someone’s after thoughts, im the one you go to when your regular friends bail on you.

Im a Norwegian going back and forth to the Philippines and I am extremely unpopular in reality. Yes you get messages from everyone, but that’s not for me, that’s not for friends, that’s not for my personality, but to check off the having slept with a white guy checkbox. Im a bragging right. You know that makes me more lonely as I can’t trust anyone.

I meet someone saying im looking for friends, the next week he send explicit photos.

You know depression sucks, the thought of ending it has been in my mind the last ten years. This planet, this humanity is not worth living for. Im so deep into depression it hurts to move my fingers to write this.

So yeah being lonely is absolutely horrible. Having no friends is horrible, especially in the Philippines where everyone is so good looking and I am not at all.

I have times im active, then I fall down in a black hole. My shoulders are heavy, my motivation doesn’t excist. My feet are heavy when walking and my brain is always saying is it worth it?, end it.