Hello, wala skl. Di ko alam nararamdaman ko ngayon, it was 25% of my grade. I read the materials needed naman, even made a list of notable quotes or statements that I can cite when I write the actual paper pero I end up totally not writing the paper despite preparing for it. Hahahaha. Di ko alam naf-feel ko but for sure I feel like a failure.

I told my mother about it, na barely passing na lang makukuha kong grade dito kasi di ako magpapasa nong paper. She’s very supportive of me ever since kaya more than failing the subject, I feel like I’m failing as a daughter. I’m sorry Ma…

Around Oct 2020 nagstart yung rapid decline ng focus and motivation ko sa school. The remote set up played a huge part for sure but I also had other personal problems that my parents didn’t know about (broke up with my ex lol). Simula non, inulan ako ng INCs hahahaha. Since then, feeling ko nag improve naman na situation ko. This semester, I am passing most of my requirements on time kaya feel ko okay na ako overall. But right now, it’s not looking so good :((

It feels like I’m going on a relapse, like anytime soon I’ll go back to my old lifestyle na freestyle sleeping sched, puro tulog mid-day tapos lahat ng reqs ay overdue. I don’t want to go back to that phase.

So far, eto naipon ko this sem:

• 46/100 econ exam
• bare minimum exercises/activities submitted
• 25% deduction on my final grade (the paper not submitted)
• medyo matinong sleep sched

Dagdag pa dyan na wala akong close friends sa dept hahahahha potaena. Feel ko naman if f2f, magkakaroon ako kaibigan eh. Di ko keri makipag kaibigan online kasi anlala ng anxiety attacks ko noon, yung tipong nahihirapan ako huminga, nanlalamig kamay tapos anlakas ng tibok ng dibdib. Aattend pa lang yan ng synch class na may recit ah, pag reporting napapadasal na lang ako.

May f2f classes na rin ako this sem pero ayon nga, may kanya-kanya na silang circles. Gusto ko lang naman ng friends na makakasama after class, or kaya makakausap about reqs na di about sa req itself kundi sa nararamdaman namin about it, sa mga struggle namin don ganon. It’ll be less lonely if at least I have one constant friend sa dept namin wooooh yawa

Pa-rant lang hahahaha sana maka 60% pa ako don sa natitirang 75% ng reqs for this subject, ayaw ko i-drop at ma underload kasi delayed na ako hahahahhahaa pota bye