Full disclosure, this was at the beginning of quarantine for most of the US…

I have two roommates that are dating. When I first moved in with my original roommate, we were both single guys. We were good friends, and it was a lot cheaper to share a house. About six months after we moved in together, he moved his girlfriend in…no problem. She was cool and we all got along. Flash forward a couple of months and quarantine hit. I had to work from home. They didn’t, but we’re still getting paid. To quote rslash, they were constantly “passionately hugging”. I have no problem with that, but she was insanely loud. I’m talking Lassie from Porky’s loud.

I told them they needed to quiet down during work hours, and his exact words were “we aren’t that loud. Quit exaggerating and deal with it.”

Pertinent to the story is that I’m an IT help desk person, so I was on the phone a lot. One day while I was on the phone with a client, they started going at it. The client was a young female, and she heard it. She asked me if I was watching porn while helping her. I apologized and told her it was my roommate and his girlfriend. She laughed and said she understood. I finished helping, and hung up. End of story, right…wouldn’t be here if it was.

The next day I get a phone call from my CTO saying a client complained because I was watching porn while on a support call. I explained the situation to him and he laughed it off. Thank goodness he was a cool boss. I told them about it, and he reiterated that she wasn’t that loud, and suck it up.

The revenge: A couple days later on a weekend, they started going at it again. I pulled out my phone and recorded the audio (no, I didn’t keep it, so don’t ask). The next morning they were both at the dining room table eating breakfast. I looked him dead In the eye and said, “you aren’t loud?” And played the audio (which was recorded through our air duct). She turned white as a sheet. She apologized profusely and I haven’t heard anything since.