Tl;dr at bottom. On mobile.

For context, I play piano for a local church. I go every Sunday, have been since I was 13. For the most part, I love everyone at the church and they love me. But, I'm quite a bit younger than most of the members.

This Sunday I was playing piano for choir practice. Enter rude old lady who sings in the choir... we'll call her Betty. Betty believes she's God's gift (pun intended) to music. Personally, I think her singing  is shit. Betty stops the song to yell "She missed a note! She missed a note! That's why I'm off!" She was referencing me.

Firstly, there were no missed notes. Secondly, she knows my name, yet always refers to me as "she" as if I'm not sitting right there. She does this one more time during practice, causing me embarrassment. I vowed revenge.

We had a Thanksgiving pot luck lunch after the service. Everyone had signed up for different dishes. To ensure there was enough for everyone, many people had the same dishes. Betty had signed up for cranberry sauce.

Like everyone else, I was excited and hungry. We all anxiously lined up for the feast, which was being served buffet style. Betty ended up next to me in line. As we're approaching the table, Betty proclaims that one of the cranberry sauces is hers and specifically points it out. She bragged about how it was a family recipe, how long the prep took, how nice the cognac was that she used, blah blah blah.

As she was engaging everyone to choose her cranberry sauce, my revenge plan began to form. Cranberry sauce isn't really my thing. Normally I would either skip it entirely, or take a little just to be polite. This time, however, I took a large scoop and proclaimed house much I LOVE cranberry sauce. Then I took scoops of the other two cranberry sauces available. I proceeded to take scoops of most all the other dishes as well. My plate was noticeably full.

I took a seat at the same table at Betty. Everyone began to eat. I ate every bite of food on my plate, including the cranberry sauces. Which wasn't pleasant, given I don't care for it, but I managed. Except the sauce made by Betty. That I took a single bite of and then promptly left on my plate untouched.

She noticed. When she asked me why I wasn't eating the rest of my sauce, I "quietly" told her I had found a hair in mine. Let's just say most of the plates ended up looking a lot like mine.

Tl;dr Old lady at my church kept wrongly correcting me during choir practice, so I pretended to find a hair in her beloved cranberry sauce during the church potluck.