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My boyfriend and I were at a german folk fest and there was one formal dance we had to participate in. I danced for a few years when I was a teen while my boyfriend barely has any dancing experience. There was this one dude who was apparently dancing competitively and after that formal dance, he made a mean remark about how my boyfriend maybe should have had practiced some steps beforehand (he did, and he didn't do a bad job at all!).
Naturally, I asked him if he minded to have a dance with me. He complied, saying he would be delighted, and that he also always wanted to have at least one dance with someone who actually knew what they were doing.
Next up was a tango argentino, which was lucky for me, because you get really close and can talk the majority of the time if you want. And I really wanted.
Here were the pieces of dialogue that I remember:
Me: "So for how long have you been dancing?"
Him: "Four years now"
Me: "Really? Oh OK, but probably not very regularly?"
Him: "What, why? No I go at least once a week"
Me: "I just thought people sometimes get busy, you know, with jobs and life. But yeah, I guess you never know."
...
Me: "And what's your favourite dance?"
Him: "Tango argentino is nice, but I think my favourite is..."
Me: (interrupting) "No of course it's obvious this ain't it! No worries!"
...
Me: "You don't have a steady dancing partner, do you?"
Him: "No...? Why?"
Me: "Eh, just the way you dance"
...
Me: "Have you thought about trying other sports?"
Him: "No. I really like dancing. Why would I?"
Me: "Just asking. I love lifting, for example, and a friend of mine from dancing swears by yoga as cross-training"
Him: "Ah! Oh yeah that actually sounds cool. Maybe I'll think about it, thanks"
Me: "No problem! Maybe there's even some sport where you have natural talent!"
The whole dance went like this. When it was over, I thanked him for the dance, he sourly thanked me back and I patted his hand with a reassuring "You're welcome! And don't fret it, everyone learns at their own pace"
Edit: Damn, all of you are a riot!
I also love how people are absolutely divided between those who understand the culture around dancing and those who think social dancing is basically fucking :D
I wonder how the latter will react when they hear about arm wrestling where you literally go with the sole intention to hold hands!!!
To address the most common question:
No, tango (argentino or ballroom) on a random folk fest does not look like at an international dance competition, neither as skillful nor as flashy or intimate. Here's an impression if you want to see how it looks when 50 german randos go do it on a dance floor. If you think that's sexy, good for you, come visit german folk fests, you will love it :D
No, instead I reported our conversation first to my boyfriend and then to all friends who were there with us.
He didn't talk to us after the dance, but he definitely saw us laughing, and since some people fuck up the "don't look at the guy I just danced with", he probably figured out what we were laughing about.
Drummerjesus, are you one of those people who think all attention is good attention?
Sorry for trying to chase you with insight. You keep being faster.
Thank you for putting in words what my exact intentions were! Great comparison with chess, very fitting!
Dude is it possible that you are currently literally tripping? Like, on drugs?
On the off chance that you are not: My boyfriend was watching the scene (me and the guy), so he saw the guy's face and later told me how it gradually soured. I couldn't see the guy's face the majority of the time because during tango argentino, my chin is over his right shoulder. Is it now clear how my boyfriend was watching?
My boyfriend has eyes, so what he was doing was watching this guys' face become rather unhappy, and being gleeful about it.
Yeah I'm really thankful that my boyfriend isn't an insecure person.
Yes it is. Maybe the nomenclature is different where you live, but here, if you say tango argentino, you usually just mean a less "formal" variation of the ballroom tango, like you have more degrees of freedom and expect more variations and figures.
LOL this was not some national level competition but a random party event.
Looks more like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSTPuzGhhQM
Notice how they leave enough room for Jesus?
Oh no, sorry, I maybe should have added that he was unfazed. I was a bit irked because who the hell drops an unnecessary comment like that? I was not VERY irked, though, which is why I fugred some subtle putdowns were more than enough of a reaction.
No problem, it didn't come across as condescending at all! In the meantime, I googled how it's called properly, and apparently the nomenclature in Germany is either ballroom tango which has very specific steps (and according to wikipedia is one of the five most usual standard dances), and tango argentino which has more freedom and variations. I hope that makes sense!
Concerning "close embrace": What I learned as a teen is that you don't stand in front of each other but kinda to the side, like my right foot is between the guy's feet, my left hand touches the outmost tip of his right shoulder and my chin is right above my fingertips. So all that touches is my left hand and his right shoulder, our right sides of the hips, and his right hand on my spine (and the hand does not grab, the palm is angled toward the ground and if he starts to initiate a figure, he may turn his palm towards my back and lead me). And the rest may get very close but does not touch.
Well, thank you for taking your time!
My boyfriend and I (who found the post at the end of last week) have had an amusing few days reading all the different responses, and yours sure was one of the wilder ones :D
I keep rubbing my eyes, but... the goalposts... are they moving?
Also, interesting how invested you are, spewing bile and all, throwing around "self respect" and "shame", all about some rando's mildly amusing petty revenge story about 5 min of a folk fest. Like, for me it's a rather irrelevant anecdote, for my boyfriend it's a rather irrelevant anecdote, and here you are, knowing neither of us, and for you it's some kind of infuriating drama...?
Yeah you kinda misunderstood the whole post. The dude WAS really good at dancing. Like, he was a competitive dancer, as I said above. My perfect plan was to sour his dancing experience by negging him for 5 minutes, and it worked out as perfectly as I had imagined.
So sorry buddy, but no shame on me.
True, including that that would have been better!
It's about two years ago. It randomly popped into my head yesterday while reading other petty revenge stories.
If you think this is a huge deal, that's fine of course. For us, it was a 4 minute slot of our lives, followed by a few more minutes of laughing about it and that was it. Maybe "forgot" is not the entirely correct word, more like "didn't think about it" like you probably haven't thought about some random things for years and then you randomly remember the situation.
If you think dancing a standard dance is being loose, you are very uptight.
:D
You found my reddit account, pretty boy!
It's not being danced like at a dance competition :D
A lot more basic steps, some sweighing to the sides, and just very few twirls etc
Nobody touches anyone's ass during a dance of tango, my mate.
Because your projection game is strong?
Interesting. Thanks for offering me this insight into canadian culture!
People also like years old instagram posts. You can do that, it's just that it's a bit embarrassing. Like, how did you find that post in the first place?
Wait, is dancing considered as a liberal thing?
Here in Germany, it's considered very traditional because of the rigid gender norms*, and if anything, it's rather losing traction than becoming more popular. Like, in the 80s, basically everyone could dance, it was absolutely usual to take dance courses in your teens, and there were people of all ages dancing at folk festivals when the ballroom music began. Nowadays, it's still not uncommon to take dance courses, but the public at those ballroom dances is getting noticeably older.
* Not really a big deal in real life, dance studios usually just say "leading role and following role" instead of "male role and female role" and nobody bats an eye at which gender does what, although there are still more men being more comfortable in the leading role/women comfortable in the following role than vice versa.
The post is also 19 days old. What are you doing still commenting on it? You have no life? Go touch grass.
I literally said that he absolutely can dance with other people, and yes of course that includes my hot friends, dancers and others.
Yeah I still rejoice in ner comments every day, and the post is from almost a week ago!
And there really is no middle ground, either the people go "yaaasss queen" or they go "omg you cheating skank/your boyfriend is a cuck" :D
There is no grinding in ballroom dancing. But I am of course fine with my boyfriend dancing with other people, just like everybody else in folk festivals does.
I am disturbed by your intimate knowledge of german dance culture. It's absolutely on point!
Ich hätte auch Schützenfest schreiben können, aber ich hatte keine Lust auf 200 Kommentare mit "what is a Schützenfest?"
I'm so sorry you need more than three minutes to read the sentences I wrote in this post. But keep practicing and you will get better!
"I am a good dancer" is an opinion, not a factual statement.
Oh yeah! Yeah sorry, that point totally whooshed over me!
Maybe you overestimate the skill level shown at a random folk festival dance? It's doesn't look like a choreography at a dance competition. It's 80% main step (aka walking dramatically), 10% this weighing sideways thing that I don't know how to call in english, and 10% some random figures like twirls, turns etc. that the dude hopefully initiates very clearly or else it's gonna look like two senior citizens on valium doing that gladiator games thing where they try to topple over their opponent.
Sorry, next time I am posting about something, I will recreate a video version of the event first so that I can post it in response every time some detail is unclear for some rando!
And no, my head was not on this shoulders. It's kinda difficult to put your head on both shoulders of a person in the first place :D
You wheatly should have listened more closely
It felt great!
Also, it was not gaslighting. Gaslighting is making someone question the very fabric of reality. Like if I had tried to make him believe we has been dancing the waltz and not the tango.
Are you expecting me to click through dozens of basic dance step videos until I find one where the woman is tall enough to position herself like I did?
The dialogue doesn't matter? Mate, you seem like the type of person to complain that the wrapper is your least favourite part of a burger. Which is, like, fine, we need all kinds of people, but please understand that most other people don't think "Finesse" and "Subtlety" are some posh brands of spice blends.
I just took the time to read all comments on my post and I just keep stumbling upon yours, always spewing bile :D What's up, who hurt you?
So you remember every rando who irked you years ago? Are you an elephant?
Danke! Ja, dein Deutsch klingt richtig gut! Grüße nach Holland :)
Well he had forgotten this story until it showed up in his reddit feed today :D
Judging by his tone and energy, his first suspicions came up pretty much instantly, but I was doing my best to walk the line between "this fucking bitch!!!" and "wait am I reading too much into it or..?", so it's hard to say when the definite point of realisation was.
That's... not how a tango at a random folk fest looks like.
The 20 second teaser of this basic dance lesson video is rather fitting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSTPuzGhhQM
Notice that when they turn you see the room between them so that Jesus can still fit? :D
We hung out with each other for about 15 hours that day, I think he could spare me for five minutes :D
And now it got enough traction that it showed up in my boyfriend's feed :D
Go on read my post out loud :D If you really, seriously need more than three minutes, then bro, stop arguing with a random stranger, go practice some reading!
Your use of "may of been" points back to school, too.
Yeah I'm really surprised. Probably people who think higher education is riffraff and olives are yucky.
Fair enough!
The reason I don't acknowledge this possibility is that we know each other really well and know what is and is not OK to do, as well as read each other's body language well enough to have a good understanding of how the other is feeling. And he instantly saw my mischievious intentions, and I saw his "dis gon be popcorn worthy" look.
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He was rather gleeful during the dance when he saw my evil look and the dude's changing facial expressions (confusion, anger, relief, then doubt, annoyance, relief, anger again etc). He was even more gleeful when I told him what had been said.