I'm a food service worker making $12 an hour on part time (and thus, inconsistent) hours. I've always been impulsive with spending (among other things - I have ADHD), but it didn't start really screwing me until this year. I attempted a managerial position, which gave me an instant $15 an hour on consistent fulltime hours. However, I was unable to maintain it due to not meeting the standards of management. I ended up being dropped to insider hours and insider pay, but I'm having a hard time curbing my spending habits without frustrating myself on a financial and emotional level.

My credit card is the only reason I'm able to take a Lyft home without having to stay longer to catch a ride from a coworker. I already have a free ride to work, but he is not willing to take me back and forth between work, only one way. If I switched to paying for Lyft with debit, with how wild their pricing is, I'd either be waiting at work at least an hour past my time, or going broke paying $20 plus tip just to get home 3-5 a week.

Most of the purchases I'm trying to curb are food purchases I make at work, and sodas I buy at the 7-11 across the street from us. Bringing a drink in my canteen is very helpful for the latter, but it's harder to get myself to fix a lunch for work, especially when I get a (frequent) late start and just don't feel like it. Occasionally, I will just eat before work, but there's still the chance I get hungry mid-shift.

I honestly think my biggest problem is not being able to spend my money how I want, and the resulting loss of control frustrating the hell out of me. I don't want to have to stop going to 7-11; I don't want to have to cut subscriptions and internet; I'm tired of getting off a frustrating shift just to sit in the frustrating building waiting for an affordable Lyft rate. (And yes, I'm aware some of that sounds like a petulant child. Even shifting the frame to consoling said child results in more frustration, like a tantrum that can never be ridden out, only delayed).

To a degree, I know what I need to do. I just don't know how. I've read so many articles of this same problem, but I can't get myself to commit. I keep blaming myself because to an outsider, it doesn't look like I'm trying. Sometimes I do stop trying, and then I beat myself up for letting myself go off the rails. I've tried YNAB; the reds discouraged me, and nothing shuts me down faster than feeling like it's all futile. I have three bank accounts opened for budgeting, and the only one getting any use is the one my check goes into. The same check that's basically paying for my rides home at this point.

I'm aiming for a license, but I need advice on what to do after that. Because I know exactly what will happen after: my impulses will kick in, and I'll buy all the shit I've "waited every hour per dollar to see if you still want it"ed, and be right back in the same situation.