Do you ever feel lost? Aimless? Adrift in a writhing ocean with no land in sight? Do you need some direction in your life? Has 2023 left you mentally exhausted and unable to deal with the nebulous-but-probably-horrible future we all must inevitably face?

Well, I can't help you.

But! Using my patented technique that combines Tarot, bone throwing, Numerology, and good ol' BS, I can perhaps make you smile for a moment.

I have in my possession twelve fortunes to be gifted to their destined recipients. I know not who they are, only that they are meant to stumble upon this thread before the scissor blades cross. Each missive contains within an autumnal song recommendation and a surprise - perhaps a poem; perhaps a puzzle; perhaps something else entirely.

If you are feeling pulled to this once-in-a-lifetime offer, please provide your star sign below, along with any information you feel compelled to declare, that I might divine whether you are one of the chosen - the path forward is seldom well-lit.

So! Get some structure in your life! Chart your course! Pick a roadsign and follow it's direction to the end! Don't be afraid of the unknown! MAKE THE UNKNOWN AFRAID OF YOU!

(Prognostication is an art, not a science; user reserves the right to ignore potential horoscopes, user takes no responsibility for leading Redditors off a cliff, user possesses exactly zero psychic powers but is known to get lucky on occasion, no refunds or retractions)

(No requirement to write back, though if anyone wants an actual penpal letter I'm happy to oblige.)

[EDIT] Calling this offer full for now, I'm still parsing all the requests! To everyone I promised something to, I will get to you! Most are already fulfilled and on route~